Does Santa use CRM?

getscorecardCRM, Sales Force Automation

Does Santa use a CRM?

Just imagine last January. Santa sits looking at his endless paper list of children, presents, addresses, he sighs, and thinks there must be a better way. Clearing the desk he takes out a fresh piece of paper and across the top writes – CRM Specification.

What comes first? The children, always the children. So Contact Database starts the list, but hold on, he needs to split the database into Naughty and Nice, so the ability to add tags has to be there. It would also be nice if the system pulled in a map of the address, Rudolf has a lousy sense of direction, Maps are added to the list.does-santa-need-crm

Santa is going to need to know what present he gave last year so that he doesn’t disappoint, no child wants the same gift this year. The ability to add notes to a contact record goes into the specification. Santa sits back and his ear catches the noise of the workshop busy already making next year’s toys. A product list, Santa thinks, then I can attach the product to the child or accommodate any last minute changes if a new fad grows during the year. Santa’s mind wonders to production. It would be good if the system could set the task for the workshop when I decide which gift a child is going to get – so a task list with automatic task setting and an API that can talk to the production system goes down on the list.

Feeling satisfied with himself Santa sits back when there is a ringing in his ear. Already, he thinks to himself, as he hears the ring of a bell every time a child requests a gift for next Xmas. We had better have a method for capturing all these requests and holding them until the decision is final. Santa picks up his pen and adds Pipeline Manager to the specification, then he adds a note – make it drag and drop.

A shiver goes through Santa – the great hula hoop fiasco of 83. He remembers the mountains of unused hoops cluttering up the warehouse as children went mad for Cabbage Patch Dolls – We better have some data analysis that prompts the elves to check that the children are still asking for the same presents in October. “What about the ones too shy to ask” thinks Santa, they system should prompt the elves to pay them a visit if they haven’t heard from them 30, 60, 90 days before Xmas.

Just then Santa is disturbed by the thud of the mail bag on the doormat. “Yes!” he cries, we will need to be able to scan these and add them to the child’s contact record. – File management gets added to the specification.

Hmm thinks Santa, as he looks across to the elves in “Present Allocation”, it always amazes Santa that some elves manage to get almost 100% of the presents correct for their children but others don’t come near, maybe if there was a way that everybody could see the activities that their peer elves were using then everyone would get better. Santa pick up his pen and adds – Peer review scorecards to the list. Just then the light seems to dim in the room. Santa looks up to see cook elf place is mid-morning mince pie on the desk, and by the looks of it, the cook as put a few away himself. Of course, thinks Santa, Targets and Incentives. On the list it goes, Santa knows that all the elves work a little bit harder if they can earn a few more mince pies and could see how close they are to earning one.

Santa looks at the list and thinks , that’s it, if I could get a CRM that would do all that – Wait, Reports, of course, I need to be able to see how we are doing during the year.

Santa looks down at the list and smiles to himself. A system that could do all of that would certainly make a difference, he reaches for the keyboard and heads to Jingle – what other search engine would Santa use.

Did Santa choose the right CRM, I guess we’ll find out on the 25th of December.

Martin Baker
Founder CRM/SFA